Where Would We Be Now?
by Nights Sleepless
Summary: Set during season 2, songfic concerning Jim and Pam's thoughts about eachother. Jam, of course.


This is my first Office fanfic, so bear with me. It's Jim/Pam of course, because they're amazing. I decided on the song 'Where Would We Be Now?' By Good Charlotte cause that, I believe, is the ultimate Jam song. Aleast for the second/first season. Plus, it's just a really awesome song. Anyhoo, here it is! Obviously, lyrics in bold.**

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**I smile, you laugh, I look away.**

He knew her so well, it made all of this so much more harder. If he had barely known her at all, if it was easier for him to convince himself it was just a crush...his life would be a lot better. No, no it wouldn't. Because he wouldn't wake up with a smile on his face, having dreamt of her. He wouldn't know what it's like to melt under her eyes, or get butterflies when her hand brushed his. He loved all those feelings, but hated them for the same reasons. She didn't feel them back...at least, he didn't think she did. Besides, Pam was with Roy. There was no side-stepping that fact. She was "in love" with the man, although Jim couldn't figure out why.

**I sigh, you ask me why, I say,  
It's ok and I am just feeling' down.**

He was her friend. That's all she allowed her mind to think of him. All her mind could take. But her heart...now that was a different story. His smile...it made her heart skip a beat. His laugh...if she could ever make him laugh half as much as he makes her laugh, she'd feel proud. But somehow, she makes him frown too often. She doesn't know what she does...they'd be sitting there, mulling over a prank on Dwight. She'd make a joke, they'd both laugh, but his laugh would fade turning into a frown as he watched her. And that made her heart burst with longing and pain. Why wasn't it like that when Roy was angry or sad? Why wasn't it like that with _anyone_ else she knew? W-...why did nobody else look at her the way Jim looked at her?

**Your hand on mine I hear the words  
If only love had found us first,  
Our lives they would be different, oh.**  
**So I stand and wait, I am just a man, oh.**

They're sitting in the break room, him and Pam. She starts describing her night to him, and he hangs onto every word. She reaches forward and accidently grabs his soda instead of hers. He watches her take a sip, not bothering to inform her of her mistake. Besides, it's kinda cute the way she was so into her conversation she didn't notice the huge difference between grape soda and diet coke. He waits a moment before taking a sip out of his, letting his lips linger on it as hers had. He feels a little guilty as his eyes cast down to the ring on her finger. Not his ring. Not his Pam. What would life be like if he had met her before Roy? Everything would be different, that would be for sure. He'd be ten times more happier.

**Where would we be now baby,  
****If we found each other first,  
Where would we be now baby.**

She realized she had taken a sip out of his soda just as she was setting it back down. And she knew he knew, by the way his eyes followed her hand. But he didn't say a word, nothing. Normally he might tease her playfully or something. So, she pretends she didn't notice and continues on with her conversation.

"After I finished watching American Idol, Roy stumbles in completely drunk. He was really angry that I didn't come off my comfy couch, throw on some jeans, and go pick him up."

"Your the one that should have been angry."

He's looking at her sincerely, almost concerned. She hated talking about Roy to Jim sometimes. It was so easy, he always listened. But sometimes...in his eyes...the look he gave her she just couldn't figure it out. It made her feel guilty for wearing that ring on her finger. But Roy was her fiance, she shouldn't feel regretful. No, everyone thinks that when they're with someone. It's love, right? She watches as he takes a sip out of his soda, exactly where she had. It's weird how she wants to smile...

"Maybe..."

**And now I must confess, that I am a sinking ship  
And I'm anchored by the weight of my heart  
Cause its filled with these feelings.**

Jim hardly ever hates people. He's not a very spiteful or angry person. But he does hate Roy. Hates Roy for finding Pam first, from keeping her from him. Hates Roy for always putting Pam down, making her feel like she'd be nothing without the man. If Jim was Pam's fiance...if she were his...he would love her more than anyone else would, he's sure of it. But that's not enough.

"It's not enough."

"What?"

He shakes his head. She'll never know how it pains him to watch her sometimes. The feelings she gives him makes his heart so heavy, crashing into his lungs and making it hard to breath. Hard to believe that there's anyone else out there for him.

"Doesn't matter."

**But I keep my true thoughts locked,  
****Beside my hearts black box  
And it wont be found.**

His words confuse her sometimes. It's like he's saying something completely different than the literal definitions. She feels so blind when he does, and when she questions him, rarely, he shrugs it off. This of course angers her. It's something Roy would do. Like she's not worth explaining to. But, she knows better than to compare Jim to Roy that way. Roy could never be as great as Jim. Now where did that come from?

"If I told you a secret, would you promise not to tell anyone?"

Her words were meant to be light and teasing, but they came out barely above a whisper. His face wavers, looking something like regret or shock, before quickly going back to normal. It was just a glimpse, so she tells herself it wasn't real. That's the easy exit, isn't it? To deny it all, just so it'll go back to normal and be easier. But in the end it always just complicates everything. But again and again she'll convince herself she's making things up or seeing shadows. Hoping the next time she'd be right...or is it wrong?

**It won't survive through the smoke or the wreckage  
So I crash and burn, I got a lot of things to learn, oh.**

The half empty grape soda was loosing it's cold as he twirled it around between his warm hands. But her words catch him off guard, and he freezes in place. Pulling his hands away, he looks up at her. It surprises him when she blinks twice, her face going blank for a second before blushing and looking down at her half eaten salad.

"Of course I promise, Pam. You know I wouldn't tell anyone."

His words are meant to be light and teasing, but comes out in a whisper. And the way she looks up at him with those big eyes, he almost reaches out to her. Just with one look, his heart could crumble. He knows now that if ever her heart were broken, his heart would surely fail on him as well. He hates to see her sad. That's why he's so determined to be the best friend she could ever want or ask for. Even if that's all he can be. When it came down to it, Jim was sure he'd rather have this than nothing at all. A world without Pam, would be a world Jim surely wouldn't survive in.

**Where would we be now baby,  
If we found each other first.**

Suddenly what she had originally planned to confess to him vanished within her thoughts and she's left staring at him dumbly. His words sounded so pained, it disturbed her. She was only ever used to him being bright and full of jokes. Here he went again, saying something she she was sure meant more. No, she just wishes it was more. Jim would never like her more than a friend. He was too much of a good person. He deserved his perfectly beautiful blonde with the skinny body and acute like for expensive restaurants and romantic cruises across the Caribbean. A woman she would never be. And what was that feeling in the pit of her stomach when she realized this over and over again? Shaking her head to clear her mind of the thought, she opens her mouth and can't stop the words from spilling out.

"I dreamed of you last night."

It wasn't a lie, she just never planned to tell him this. She often dreamed of Jim, he was a regular person in her life, it was only natural. Sometimes it could be a simple dream, sometimes more crazy and strange. But last night had been something completely different. One that made her wake with tears soaking her pillow and her throat on fire.

**What would you do now darling,  
If I said these simple words  
I'll wait, I'll wait.**

There's something in her eyes that makes him more alert. And those words...instantly he's at attention.

"Really? What was your dream about?"

He's teasing her, giving her a lopsided smile and raising an eyebrow. She blushes, chuckles, and turns away from him. Her fingers twine together and come apart again, obviously biding her time, trying to figure out the right words. She liked to tell him her dreams. He liked to listen. Never would he tell her his however. He only dreamed of one thing, and that was of her face. There were so many things he could never tell her. It made him feel dishonest and he never wanted to go against her in any way. But it was impossible to be honest about somethings, because he knows there are just somethings she doesn't want to here. Like how he's completely in love with her, for a start. But that doesn't matter. Because she'll realize one of these days that marrying Roy is a mistake, he can see it in her eyes when she brings it up. And he'll be there when that happens. He hopes.

**As long as you want  
But where would we be now baby  
I'll wait, I'll wait.**

Her eyes cloud and she has to distract herself from him. He's watching her intently, as he always does. But it doesn't bother her as it does with everyone else. No, Jim is different in a thousand and one ways. So, turning to look at him in the his eyes...so deep amazingly beautiful eyes...did she really just think that? Oh, this was getting to weird for her. Time to pull the emergency brake.

"It's nothing, nevermind."

"No, Pam. Tell me, I wanna know."

How can he be persistent without sounding demanding? And how can he see through her lies so easily when she can believe her own lies?

"I had a dream that you left...moved away."

**Where would we be now baby,  
If we found each other first  
What would you do now darling,  
If I said these simple words.**

There's pain lacing her words. Does this mean hope? Is there hope for the unrequited Jim? He can't help but the smile that spreads across his face. Her face grows red, and she looks down, obviously mis-reading his grin.

"Pam...you know it was just a dream. I'd never leave you."

And suddenly she's looking up at him with a look that he can't put his finger on. But it's a good look, and his heart grows heavy again. She wouldn't normally confess something like this to him. He wonders what made her do so. But then her eyes intensify and she's angry. What did he say? Was it too clear and not as cryptic like always. Should he have left the last part unsaid? Even with her mad at him though, he was glad he had said it. She needed to know. Through good or bad, he'd be there for her. Yes, he might leave her physically. But she'd always constantly be on his mind, no matter how hard he tried to escape her. No not her, himself.

"Jim--"

"We're friends."

And it hurts him more than she'll ever know that these words comfort her and she's happy again.

**I'll wait, I'll wait,  
****As long as you want.**

It does comfort her, but not the way he thinks. She likes knowing that they're friends. It makes her chest grow tight and her cheeks hot when he says things like this. Pam has never really thought much of herself. Always needed the approval of others before she could even think about approving herself. And knowing that somebody like Jim would want to be her friend made her feel special. Okay, that sounds corny, but it's true.

"I know."

And he nods, giving a swift knock on table before standing up, throwing away the rest of his lunch and going back to his desk, her following.

**But where would we be now baby  
I'll wait, I'll wait, I'll wait, I'll wait.**

No more than an hour later, he's staring at her. She's so distracting, the way she stares at the computer screen with a small smile on her face. The way a strand of hair that's come loose in her hair has fallen in her face. And how annoyed she looks everytime she has to push it behind her ear. If only he could save her the trouble and push it back from her beautiful face. Maybe she'll never see him more than a friend. Maybe wishes on stars never really do come true, and 11:11pm are just numbers. But either way, he'll wait for her. Even if she never comes around, he'll wait for her cause there is _nothing_ in the world that's worth more.

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Hope you enjoyed it!


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